for every cute kitten, there's at least one mad cat...

It's all their fault. They turned me into a mad cat, and there is no option but to make them suffer for the rest of their sorry, fur-less lives. I can say is, Thank God I can type.

mad cat says...

If you are a human who has stumbled upon this site, please, if there is one shred of decency in that body of yours, leave this site open for the cat to find while you're at work.

Thank you.

Caught Being Adorable… Oh, Crap

Sometimes even I  like to lay down and take a little nap in broad daylight.  Okay, I always like to lay down and take a nap in broad daylight.  I’m a cat for heaven’s sake.  My napping habit hasn’t been a big problem, until now.

That She human of mine is home all damn day long now.  Yup.  All day, every day.  It used to be that she’d disappear for the majority of the time when the sun was beating in the windows, warming up nice little slices of carpeting.  You know, in between where those cheap blinds don’t close.  Perfect little slivers of hotter-than-Hades places where a feline like me can snooze and toast my hide.

Day after day, week after week, month after… well you get the idea, there I would be, scorching my fur until the air was ripe with the smell of sizzling sweet cat hair.  Love that smell.  I’d put my face so close to the window pane that my eye lids, all three of them, would start to smolder…  nice… then I’d move a little, but not too much.

Anyway, I digress.  So, picture me,  your glorious felis perfectis, sunning myself undisturbed in the heat of the day, stretched in contortions that only we boneless cats can manage, with my head upside down, pressed flat, hard, into a brilliant beam of the sun’s rays.  My fur was just beginning to smolder when…

She walks in.

This has never happened to me before.  I was exposed, humiliated… caught being adorable.

There I was, cute as all get-out, upside down, all sunshiny, sweet, warm, and toasty (actually smoking just a bit), and She makes that sound.  You know the one, the cooing “awww… look at you!” sound.

That was all the humiliation I could stand.  Now, I had to slowly lift myself up off the carpet, off my hot-bed, and slowly walk, without stretching mind you, away from my heavenly heat and into the darkness, all while pretending that I didn’t enjoy that moment basking in the sunlight at all.  Oh no, I just happened to be lying there when the sunlight started pouring over me and I just didn’t move fast enough to avoid it.  After all, I am so beyond some stupid cat-thing about stretching out in front of a hot, sunny window.  Oh please.

It wasn’t just that She caught me being so adorable, it’s that She would most definitely spread the news of her good fortune to the Others. If this gets out, I’m doomed to a life of Them trying to catch me being cute, again.

Now that She’s home all day, I’m going to have to be more careful.  I can’t risk letting Her find my glorious cat-ness basking in the sun adorably anywhere ever again.

I’m going to have to put a bell on Her.

Let me know if She says anything about me.  I’m so mortified.

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